Huckjive

Hand-selected from the old vhs shelf, we bring you the 2006 mini-ramp classic “Almost: Cheese and Crackers”.  It basically showcases the mad mini-ramp skills of Daiwan Song and Chris Haslam (and some other random dude in there occasionally).   Anyway, the point of posting this video is to say that I want that ramp.  Not that I would be able to reproduce 1/160th of the tricks shown in this entertaining demonstration of four-wheeled wizardry, but I still very much want that ramp.

Cheese and Crackers by Almost

I almost acquired a ramp very similar to this a few months ago.  I was browsing craigslist and saw this ad that said “Free min-ramp: you haul away”.  I cracked open gmail faster than a fat kid at a cake buffet.  Amazingly the guy replied and said it was still available.  So listen to this:  it was twelve feet wide, about 3 foot tall, steel coping, with two-layers of plywood topped off with a smooth layer of masonite.  ”Oh, also,” the guy said nonchalantly, “it’s never been outside. It’s been in our barn since day one.”  Holy!  I drove over the next day just to take a look at it and yes, it was indeed very sweet.

So that Saturday, my friend Jake and I drove down there with a big moving truck, a bucket of tools, and two cordless drills.  It was to be a day of pure paradise.  We had planned that by that evening, we’d be sessioning the ramp in my back yard, hopefully before it got dark.

The day of paradise quickly became a day of obstacles.

OBSTACLE 1:  Ramp owner was AWOL.

So we get there around 8am.  We knock on the door, no answer.  So, we shrug and head to the barn in the back yard.  It had a padlock on it.  Great.  So we had no other choice but to bang on the door until a very sleepy roommate emerges, gives us the stink-eye, and eventually lets us in the barn.  Roommate goes back to bed.

OBSTACLE 2:  Barn door too small

We had planned to remove the ramp into three sections, muscle them up onto the truck for quick re-assembly.  No way.  The door wasn’t much wider than a front door of a house.   That meant the whole deal had to come apart board-by-board.  Skating that night seemed now less-likely.

OBSTACLE 3:  Nasty porn stapled on the wall of the barn just above the ramp

Believe me, it was gross. No need to explain.

OBSTACLE 4: Both drills went dead within minutes.

“Not looking good, man,” Jake had said as the whir of the second drill reduced down to a slow growl.  Why we didn’t charge them the night before, is beyond me.  With the dying drills, the screws would barely budge.   We had about 100 screws out already and about 4,000 to go.  No way were we going to do that with hand-held screwdrivers.   So we drove to a friend’s house and borrowed a regular plug-in-the-wall dealio.  Then we were back in business.

GRANDADDY OBSTACLE OF ALL:  Termites

Yeah, that’s right.  This beautiful, lovely, sweet piece of ramp was infested with termites.  You would’ve never known without peeling off all three layers which we unfortunately did (all that work) before spotting the nasty little buggers.  My heart sank.   I sat there and thought about it and realized that a free halfpipe wasn’t worth the potential damage to my home by introducing a colony of wood-hungry termites to my yard.  I’m no pest control expert; I have no idea if termites can sniff out a house a few yards away, and hike single-file towards it with their bibs tied around their little termite necks with a fork and knife in each hand.  Perhaps I overreacted,  I don’t know.  But after thinking about it, I just said to Jake “Man….I can’t do it.”

I think that skate videos are meant to inspire and entertain, and also to make you feel just a little covetous of the skills these guys are laying down.  I think the video producers deep down enjoy the dig that you feel knowing that compared to the guys on the screen, you are lousy.  Very rarely does any rational skater watch a new skate video of pro’s and say “Ok, easy enough.  I’m going to go outside now and do everything I just saw.”  At least not without being sorely disappointed or killed.  In addition to being truly amazed and awe-inspired when watching this video, I  definitely feel that little dig.

And now, add to that feeling, the fact that I don’t own that mini-ramp, and I have a bona-fide love-hate relationship with this movie.

“Cheese and Crackers” is a video production by Almost Skateboards.  Huckjive does not own copyrights to this video.  If you have enjoyed this video in low-definition, then go purchase the actual, super-clean definition Cheese and Crackers DVD here:  http://almostawebsite.com/

While you’re at it, check out Almost’s new 2010 catalog of sweet products:

http://www.almostawebsite.com/catalog/fall09/index.html

Related posts:

1. Retro Show’d – Vision Psycho Skate For our latest Retro Show’d, we resurrect the 80’s Vision...